"Will the humans please just step off the planet?"

It's not the most heinous thing I have ever read, but it is certainly in contention:
"Heimann's invalid mother, who witnessed the crime*, was found abandoned in the house, eating newspapers."

* her son beaten to death with baseball bats.

I AM in a Good Mood!

Man, what a grumpy-puss!

I was actually in a good mood when the cam caught this image. I'm not sure why I look like I am about ready to answer the question, "What is the Law?"* Alternatively, I may be asking the question, "Why does a muskrat guard his musk?"** The Lego in the foreground is the formidable Tarakava.

* not to walk on all fours, natch
** courage, of course!

On the March

In the pris-on cell I sit think-ing moth-er dear, of you,
and our bright and hap-py home so far a-way.
And the tears they fill my eyes, spite of all that I can do,
though I try to cheer my com-rades and be gay.

Tramp, tramp, tramp! the boys are march - ing.
Cheer up, com-rades, they will come.
And be-neath the Koro flag we shall breathe the air again
of the free land in our own be-lov-ed home.

In the bat-tle front we stand when their fierc-est
charge they made and they swept us off a hun-dred men or more.
But be-fore we reached the lines they were beat-en back dis-mayed,
and we heard the cry of vic - t'ry o'er and o'er.

Tramp, tramp, tramp! the boys are march - ing.
Cheer up, com-rades, they will come.
And be-neath the Koro flag we shall breathe the air again
of the free land in our own be-lov-ed home.

So with-in the pri-son cell we are wait-ing for the day
that shall come to o-pen wide the i - ron door.
And the hol-low eye grows bright, and the poor heart al-most gay
as we think of see-ing home and friends once more.

Tramp, tramp, tramp! the boys are march - ing.
Cheer up, com-rades, they will come.
And be-neath the Koro flag we shall breathe the air again
of the free land in our own be-lov-ed home.

Bohrok Respond to Barbarity with Barbarity — the Predictable Response to Lewa's Unilateral Aggression

Nuparu, Whenua and Kopaka have been overwhelmed by Onua Nuva (Krana-controlled), Lewa (also Krana-controlled), Tahnok Kal, Nuhvok Kal and Pahrak. What horrors await the rescue mission when they finally arrive? Nuparu may be able to sneak away from the wreckage of the Boxor vehicle.

Here's a happy little song.

Perksua is a funny little codger
With a smile a funny smile.
Five feet none, he’s an artful little dodger
With a smile a funny smile.
Flush or broke he’ll have his little joke,
He can’t be suppressed.
All the other fellows have to grin
When he gets this off his chest, Hi!

(chorus, sung twice after each verse:)
Pack up your troubles in your old kit-bag,
And smile, smile, smile,
While you’ve a lucifer to light your fag,
Smile, boys, that’s the style.
What’s the use of worrying?
It never was worth while, so
Pack up your troubles in your old kit-bag,
And smile, smile, smile.

Perksua went a-marching into Flan Koro
With his smile his funny smile.
He was loved by the privates and commanders
For his smile his funny smile.
When a throng of Bohroks came along
With a mighty swing,
Perks yelled out, “This little bunch is mine!
Keep your heads down, boys and sing, Hi!

(chorus)

Perksua he came back from Bohrok-shooting
With his smile his funny smile.
Round his home he then set about recruiting
With his smile his funny smile.
He told all his pals, the short, the tall,
What a time he’d had;
And as each enlisted like a man
Perksua said ‘Now my lad,’ Hi!

(chorus)

Pattonua's Speech*

Now, an army is a team - it lives, eats, sleeps, fights as a team. This individuality stuff is a bunch of crap... Now, we have the finest food and equipment, the best spirit, and the best men in the world. You know, by God, I actually pity those poor bastards we're going' up against. By God, I do. We're not just gonna shoot the bastard, we're going to cut out their living guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks. We're going to murder those lousy Bohrok bastards by the bushel.

Now, some of you boys, I know, are wondering whether or not you'll chicken out under fire. Don't worry about it. I can assure you that you will all do your duty. The Bohrok are the enemy. Wade into them, spill their blood, shoot them in the belly. When you put your hand into a bunch of goo that a moment before was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do.

That's all.

*apologies to Francis Ford Coppola, Edmund H. North, George C. Scott, George S. Patton and Ole Kirk Christiansen

Rescue Mission

These photos were smuggled from an undisclosed staging area. They appear to be elite heavy cavalry from Onu Koro.

Onua Nuva Infected by Krana

Poor Onua Nuva! In a shocking turn of events, Onua Nuva has been possessed by a Krana and has even infected Lewa with a Krana. Kopaka is in a tricky spot. He could probably rescu Lewa, but Onua Nuva far outmatches his ice powers. The Bohrok, recently under the control of Mystical Blue Masking Tape, are again free.

With Allies Like These ...

Nuhvok Kal was probably just giving the little Va directions to the nearest Tully's but has sheared his head clean off. Oops.

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

A well-meaning co-worker forwarded this heartwarming image in an attempt to soothe my troubled brow. Much in the vein of the 'Hang in There' kitten.


To which I heartlessly replied:

In Bad Taste or Merely Oblivious?

The following was copied from www.bionicle.com. Given the events in Iraq, I am hard pressed to say whether the good folk at Lego are having a little dark fun or are simply presenting the scenarios they wrote months and months ago.

Desert Showdown

Disaster in the sands for the Toa Nuva
By Takua

The Toa had tracked the thieves of their symbols all across Mata Nui, returning at last to the sandy expanse of Po-Wahi. Deep in the desert, they finally caught up with the mysterious Bohrok-Kal.

The creatures’ eyes glowed with a cunning intelligence. Their gleaming shells bore reptilian patterns surrounding strange symbols. They raised their shields and, incredibly, they spoke!

“We are the Bohrok-Kal,” said one in a voice like metal scraping stone. “We search for Cahdok and Gahdok, queens of the swarms.”

“Tell us where you have hidden the Bahrag and then stand aside,” said another, “We have no wish to harm helpless foes.”

Angered by their tone, Lewa Nuva leaped into action, but the impulsive Toa of Air found himself pinned in place by the magnetic force of Gahlok-Kal. Onua Nuva tried to end the battle with a single blow, but Pahrok-Kal’s plasma held him at bay. As Tahu Nuva attempted to protect his fellow Toa with the Mask of Shielding, Nuhvok-Kal’s mastery of gravity sent him crashing to the ground. Then the Bohrok-Kal turned the full force of their powers on the heroes of Mata Nui.

When the Toa Nuva awakened, the creatures were gone.

“This was one of those look-before-you-leap things, wasn't it?” said Lewa Nuva. “I guess I’m still mad about the tree. Stupid bugs.”

Kopaka Nuva’s mood was predictably cold. “If they free the Bahrag, the swarms will return to their mission. We cannot allow this to happen.”

“The Bohrok-Kal faced us together, while we stood apart,” said Gali Nuva sadly. “This is what I feared when we went our separate ways. As powerful as we became, it is in our unity that our true strength lies.”

Now the quest of the Toa Nuva has become even more desperate. They must find the Bahrag, defeat the Bohrok-Kal and end the threat of the swarms for good – all without the aid of their elemental powers!

The Executions Have Begun.

The conflict took an ugly turn today when Lewa, Toa of Air, arrived and immediately began beheading prisoners. Lewa was not available for comment.

Beware, Alf and Jordan!

Ask not for whom the Bionicle monster trolls, it trolls for thee!

Tron is Brilliant

Got a used copy of Tron on Friday. It's really good, much better than I remember. The 2nd disc of extra is not that great.
UPDATE Unbelievable but true. My girlfriend does not like Tron. Color me dumbfounded.

Another Toa Maiden Tale

The impetus for this slideshow was a visit by a small child and the consequent disassembly of some of my Bionicle. A fine time was had by all.

Footprint of Makuta

A slide show of pictures of events touching on myth.

Reconnaissance

Away from his Boxor vehicle, Nuparu is easy pickings for any Bohrok.



Kopaka surveys the terrible scene. The fiends are watching themselves on big-screen TV!

Barbarians Betray Peace Process!

Beloved village turaga Whenua was spotted attempting to broker a peace agreement in the dispute over desk space rights at ye olde workplace:



Here we can see that a trap has been laid for the valiant old fellow but he cannot hope to escape from two Bohrok Kal.



Nuparu has abandoned the Boxor vehicle in a brave but foolish attempt to help his friend and mentor who has been so cruelly and basely abused by the Bohrok. If only Onua had been there!



Run, Nuparu, run!!

Terry Jones' Letter to Bush

I meant to display this before the war started. It's still valid. Also see this.

I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq: he's running out of patience. And so am I! For some time now I've been really pissed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors down the street. Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They both give me queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty for me, but so far I haven't been able to discover what. I've been round to his place a few times to see what he's up to, but he's got everything well hidden. That's how devious he is. As for Mr Patel, don't ask me how I know, I just know - from very good sources that he is, in reality, a Mass Murderer. I have leafleted the street telling them that if we don't act first, he'll pick us off one by one. Some of my neighbours say, if I've got proof, why don't I go to the police? But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say that they need evidence of a crime with which to charge my neighbours. They'll come up with endless red tape and quibbling about the rights and wrongs of a pre-emptive strike and all the while Mr Johnson will be finalising his plans to do terrible things to me, while Mr Patel will be secretly murdering people. Since I'm the only one in the street with a decent range of automatic firearms, I reckon it's up to me to keep the peace. But until recently that's been a little difficult.

Now, however, George W. Bush has made it clear that all I need to do is run out of patience, and then I can wade in and do whatever I want! And let's face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out policy towards Iraq is the only way to bring about international peace and security. The one certain way to stop Muslim fundamentalist suicide bombers targeting the States or the UK is to bomb a few Muslim countries that have never threatened us. That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and kill his wife and children.

Strike first! That'll teach him a lesson. Then he'll leave us in peace and stop peering at me in that totally unacceptable way. Mr Bush makes it clear that all he needs to know before bombing Iraq is that Saddam is a really nasty man and that he has weapons of mass destruction - even if no one can find them.

I'm certain I've just as much justification for killing Mr Johnson's wife and children as Mr Bush has for bombing Iraq. Mr Bush's long-term aim is to make the world a safer place by eliminating 'rogue states' and 'terrorism'. It's such a clever long-term aim because how can you ever know when you've achieved it? How will Mr Bush know when he's wiped out all terrorists? When every single terrorist is dead? But then a terrorist is only a terrorist once he's committed an act of terror. What about would-be terrorists? These are the ones you really want to eliminate, since most of the known terrorists, being suicide bombers, have already eliminated themselves.

Perhaps Mr Bush needs to wipe out everyone who could possibly be a future terrorist? Maybe he can't be sure he's achieved his objective until every Muslim fundamentalist is dead? But then some moderate Muslims might convert to fundamentalism. Maybe the only really safe thing to do would be for Mr Bush to eliminate all Muslims? It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel are just the tip of the iceberg. There are dozens of other people in the street who I don't like and who - quite frankly - look at me in odd ways. No one will be really safe until I've wiped them all out.

My wife says I might be going too far but I tell her I'm simply using the same logic as the President of the United States. That shuts her up.

Like Mr Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's a good enough reason for the President, it's good enough for me. I'm going to give the whole street two weeks - no, 10 days - to come out in the open and hand over all aliens and interplanetary hijackers, galactic outlaws and interstellar terrorist masterminds, and if they don't hand them over nicely and say 'Thank you', I'm going to bomb the entire street to kingdom come.

It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing and, in contrast to what he's intending, my policy will destroy only one street.

Terry Jones

Boxor Aggression

Nuparu has taken the battle directly to Alf's desk and is seen here giving Pahrak a wedgie.

Hilarious Lego Creation

Boxor Desk Defense

My desk was unmolested by Bohrok all day. I attribute this to the the presence of this Boxor, manned by Nuparu. Or possibly that Alf and Jordan's Bohrok were sunning themselves in the window.

Work is the New Battleground for Mata Nui

Pohatu Nuva managed to remove Pahrak's Krana for at least a little while. However, Jordan's Nuhvok Kal overwhelmed Pohatu and his depleted Kakama Nuva and Kodan ball. The unhappy result is shown below:

COMING SOON: Another Toa Party!

A while back there was a party and there were amusing consequences for the Toa. There was another party on Wednesday and there were consequences for the Toa Maiden. Amusing? You shall be the judge; slideshow to come.
UPDATE:The slideshow will show up eventually - hold on!

I've been drawing this squashed version of the Enterprise ever since I was a wee tad.

No Wiggy

Bohrok Invade My Office

Co-worker Alf (see Pillow Chair) enjoyed a Tahnok so much I gave him his own Pahrak. Co-worker Jordan admired Alf's Pahrak and went out and bought a Nuhvok Kal. UPDATE: Jordan has added Tahnok Kal to his cohort of Bohrok.
UPDATE UPDATE: Jordan has also acquired Onua Nuva, but has turned him to the Makuta side.

Co-worker Jeff may be the next to fall to the Bohrok invasion.

Beloved child visited this week and played with Cahdok. The other Bionicle are chicken to be made into chicken pie. Adorable!

Just my monitor

But I like the lighting.

Here's a fun puzzle!

(It's just a picture - no fancy schmancy javascript game. Where do you think you are?)

Thanks Vince!

I-Cybie has been fed and exercised. Battery goes fast when doing headstands.