Tuesday, June 12, 2007

American Science & Surplus

Just the names of their products make me happy:

  • Microwave Tester
  • Cargo Net
  • Pistol Hose Nozzle
  • See-Thru Folio
  • Thunder Tube
  • Tiny Spirograph
  • Tweezer-Magnifier



Chapter I
Microwave Tester
(in which dear Cook is preserved from excessive radiation and a possible romance is initiated)

IT WAS in the year that Persepsibelle, a second cousin of my mother's, came to the house during a horrid storm that my story begins ...

Chapter VIII
Cargo Net
(in which the Vanity Galore is sunk with the loss of all hands except for myself and the Swedish bear-baiter, Grimm Baerbeiter)

The luger was heavier than I would have thought. I hid the extra magazines beneath my tatting and set about repairing the raft until Grimm came to his senses ...

Chapter X
Pistol Hose Nozzle
(in which we make landfall and discover the terrible secret of our destination)

... I took advantage of the heavy underbrush to make my escape. Grimm's screams were terrible to hear but I am sure that he would have approved of my plan had sobriety ever returned to soothe his heavy brow. Every year I donate to the Marinnen Svenske Kirk a lovely goose dinner in his memory...

Chapter XI
See-thru Folio
(in which the Sultan and I make a fateful bargain)
... certain unfortunate habits that I find myself somewhat wistful about but which my mother ...

Chapter XIII
Thunder Tube
(in which the I am saved from certain embarrassment and the lamentable fate of the Sultan)

CAPTAIN Norris's sudden arrival at the gates of the palace seemed to deflate the posturing peacock. He positively shrank into his pointed slippers. Things happened very fast although I do remember an entire cohort of the Sultan's eunuchs falling ...

Chapter L
Tiny Spirograph
(in which the probability cube is rendered moot)

... navigating the Vanity Galore II through the gravity net of the Poioi became untenable and I ordered the shield waves to be brought about in preparation for the alien armada's likely attack. Bosun Boy never wavered and stayed by my side until the end.

Chapter LXII
Tweezer-Magnifier
(in which a bent magnetron, a bear-fur muff and the Sultan's slippers serve to return me to Epping mostly preserved)

... the alien fiend had assumed that as the captain of the vessel that I would sacrifice my honor before my crew's lives. I provided him with no such satisfaction ...

3 comments:

  1. How was the magnetron bent?? Pages 252-268 were missing from my moldy copy, stamped "DISCARDED" by a dim-bulb functionary of "HARRIS TOWNSHIP CENTRAL LIBRARY."

    ps. genius

    ReplyDelete
  2. It was not until I read 'functionary' that I realized that I had written a MAAKIES strip!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Written? Hell, expectorated!

    ReplyDelete

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