Tuesday, February 26, 2002

Kyle says:
<voice="bathic announcer">
In a world (pause) somewhere between Twelve Monkeys and The Time Machine, comes bizarre spam: </voice>


> --- Frank Young
>webmaster@htz.com wrote:
>Date: 26 Feb 2002
>06:04:09 -0000 To:
>dzedrick@applemax.com,
>pageguy@appleogue.net,
>jturgiss@appleone.com,
>mancow@applepie.net,
>paresi@applepie.net,
>ndrus@applescruffs.com
>From: webmaster@htz.com
>(Frank Young) Subject:
>Time Travelers PLEASE
>HELP!!!
>
>Folgende Angaben wurden
>im Web-Formular gemacht.
>Die Anfrage erfolgte
>durch: Frank Young
>(webmaster@htz.com) am
>Dienstag, 26. Februar,
>2002 at 07:04:09
>
>------------------------
>
>message: If you are a
>time traveler or alien
>disguised as human and
>or have the technology
>to travel physically
>through time I need your
>help!
>
>My life has been
>severely tampered with
>and cursed!! I have
>suffered tremendously
>and am now dying!
>
>I need to be able to:
>
>Travel back in time.
>
>Rewind my life including
>my age back to 4.
>
>Be able to remember what
>I know now so that I can
>prevent my life from
>being tampered with
>again after I go back.
>
>I am in very great
>danger and need this
>immediately!
>
>I am aware that there
>are many types of time
>travel, and that humans
>do not do well through
>certain types.
>
>I need as close to
>temporal reversion as
>possible, as safely as
>possible. To be able to
>rewind the hands of time
>in such a way that the
>universe of now will
>cease to exist. I know
>that there are some very
>powerful people out
>there with alien or
>government equipment
>capable of doing just
>that.
>
>If you can help me I
>will pay for your
>teleport or trip down
>here, Along with hotel
>stay, food and all
>expenses. I will pay top
>dollar for the
>equipment. Proof must be
>provided.
>
>Please be advised that
>any temporal device that
>you may employ must
>account for X, Y, and Z
>coordinates as well as
>the temporal location. I
>have a time machine now,
>but it has limited
>abilitys and is useless
>without a vortex.
>
>If you can provide
>information on how to
>create vortex generator
>or where I can get some
>of the blue glowing moon
>crystals this would also
>be helpful. I am however
>concerned with the high
>level of radiation these
>crystals give off, if
>you could provide a
>shielding or other
>crystals which give off
>a north polarized vortex
>field just as strong or
>strong enough to make a
>watch stop this would be
>great.
>
>I am aware of two types
>of time travel one in
>physical form and the
>other in energy form
>where a snapshot of your
>brain is taken using
>either the dimensional
>warp or an electronic
>device and then sends
>your consciousness back
>through time to part
>with your younger self.
>Please explain how safe
>and what your method
>involves.
>
>Also if you are one of
>the very, very, few
>beings with the ability
>to edit the universe
>PLEASE REPLY!!!
>
>Only if you have this
>technology and can help
>me exactly as mentioned
>please send me a
>(SEPARATE) email to:
>IneedTimeTravel@aol.com
>
>Please do not reply if
>your an evil alien!
>Thanks


Kyle again: (The originating mail server belongs to an organization called Vertical Axis, Inc. I can only assume that this was done for fun or as an especially inefficient way to farm live emails - inefficient because evil aliens are the most likely to actually pay for porn! He almost certainly netted my email (pageguy@appleogue.net) from the Irish Pipers site so he probably doesn't need another source of emails.

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